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May God bless you
this day to know your worth!
I am of no use to anyone or
anything. Im a failure in my marriage, at my job, with my
children, with making friends, in my ministry with God.
At sometime in our lives, each one of us knows the depth of feeling
completely and absolutely worthless. There are expectations we
dont meet. Goals, we dont reach. Dreams, we dont
achieve. Life doesnt turn out the way we hoped. Were at that age and were still struggling to make ends meet, get through the
day, keep it all together, or all of the above. And we wonder,
Why doesnt God love me?
We have been called to reach out to others, care for them, and help
them in their times of pain, fear and sorrow. But two things often
happen for which we are seldom prepared. The first is when the others of our lives fail, suffer, become ill, panic, get laid off, or
lose their marriages. We share their grief and with it, a sense of
worthlessness. I remember once when some dear friends were heading
straight into terrible trouble. I warned and counseled and begged
and prayed, but they hit it like a brick wall and suffered
terribly. I felt like Id been completely useless.
The second is when, after all of our efforts to love, encourage and build
up those others, they turn on us. They put us down, dont stand
up for us, or treat us as though we are strangers. Our friendship
is easily exchanged for a relationship that promises more for what they
can get out of it. It may be in terms of influence, prestige, or
just to keep everything flowing one way down Make ME Feel Good
Street.
But the thing is, God did not tell us to reach out only to those who will
return the love, or care only for those who will stay our friends, or
help only those who will at least say, Thank you. But when theres
no love or friendship or even someone who will be nice, we eventually
look inward to see if we were ever worthy to begin with. And far
too often, we conclude that were not.
Jesus once said,
Are not
five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by
God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be
afraid; you are worth more than many
sparrows. Luke
12:6-7
Sparrows, then and now, are small birds usually found in great
numbers. They get into everything, nest everywhere, are overly
assertive when it come to possession and territory, and show little
regard for anything not theirs. In many areas around the world they
are regarded as nuisances and are trapped and killed in great
numbers. To be blunt, they are among the jerks of the bird
world. Yet Jesus tells us that God remembers and cares for even
these jerky birds. And whats His point?
you are worth
more than many sparrows
For each child of God, each
true believer in Christ, each man, woman and child who follows
Jesus, regardless of failure, unmet expectations (theirs and yours),
unachieved goals, and broken dreams, regardless of it all, God sees us as
being important to Him and having worth in His kingdom.
Ah, but at times these can seem to be only words. So how can we
experience such worth? Hes already told us: Be completely
humble, gentle, and patient, bearing with one another in love. Make
every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of
peace. Show proper respect to everyone. Pray continually and
give thanks. Stand up for truth and in that truth, take a stand for
Him and those He loves. Encourage others as long as it is called
Today and urge them to live lives worthy of God. (John 13:34-35;
15:12-17; Romans 13:7; Galatians 5:22-26, Ephesians 4:2-4; Colossians
1:10-13; Hebrews 3:13; 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12; 1 Thessalonians 5:12-22;
1 Peter 2:17; 1 John 3:11; 4:7,11,21; 2 John 5)
Your worth is found not in the eyes of man, but in the heart of
God.
(this is from a devotional that i subscribe to)
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| i've been told (again!) that i need to update.... why, i have no idea. i'm so bad at this, i was pretty sure nobody read it anymore... hehe..
well, life has been..... well, life, i guess. nothing amazingly interesting going on, nothing huge bad happening.. there are minor things, of course. there always are. like everyone else in the free world, i killed my diet so i could eat for thanksgiving. and the 4 days following. left-overs are so yummy. and, i felt not a shred of guilt... hahaha!!
there are things, however, that i feel guilty over. i won't go into those, but please keep me in your prayers. my walk with the Lord is not what it used to be, and i'm making more and more mistakes along the road....
so, a few months ago i somehow was convinced by a friend that i needed to pet-sit for someone- that i'd never met. well, as you know, i have an adorable sweetie of a dog, Skylar. i'm thinking, ok, this will be a test to determine how Sky will do with another dog, because i'd been thinking about getting her one. about 2 days later, this woman and 2 of her friends drop of this dog.. all i can say is. wow. this dog, Reba, is supposed to be the same type of dog as mine, a mini american eskimo... for starters, the poor thing is 12 years old, arthritic, and while standing only like an inch taller than my dog, weighs twice as much!!! yikes. see, my sweetie is VERY VERY VERY active. she's still a puppy. well, it was kinda like putting together a kinder-kid with a great-grandmother... lol. skylar chased, reba tried to run, but more like ambled along. i also find out that i'm supposed to have this dog for an undetermined amount of time, likely 4 months. WHAT!?!? ok.. i agreed to this... as Christian, keeping my word is very important to me. the woman leaves.. leaving the dog and nothing else. i'm thinking, food? leash? vet's number? heck, her number!! for some reason, i think i've just adopted a new dog. for good. lets move on down to like 2 days later..... when this "housebroken" dog has revealed to me that she is actually incontinent. my carpet is ruined. my BRAND NEW carpet. she has fought with my dog, making my sweet Skylar bleed. i hate to call this lady (who i finally got a number for) because i know that if i send Reba back to her, she will have her put down. what is a girl to do?!? pray for me- that i can have continued patience with this dog, and with the woman who sent her here.. i keep having super-mean thoughts.
alright so that's my rant on the dog... thanks for listening.
my baby sister has something called low-grade dysplasia. what that means is that there are some changes in the cells in her cervix.. and they will have to operate to remove what they call "pre-cancerous" cells. my 19 year old sister?? pre-cancerous?? let's just say i mildly freaked. not to her of course- don't want to freak her out. she's handled it quite well, says her dr. is wonderful. they've been battling this together for about 4 years now. my mother had the same thing- but she was diagnosed at about age 20 - and had to have a hysterectomy at 26. i told my sister that if the worst happened, i would carry children for her and her husband. apparently she wants THREE!!! see, i volunteered for this because she always said she didn't want any kids... hehe.. i thought i'd get out of it easy! oh well... she's in my constant prayers- i can't imagine not being able to have children. i wouldn't handle that so well.
gotta go work-- have a blessed day in Christ!!
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I thought I'd finally share a photo op from the wedding....
These were my beautiful bridesmaids.. consisting of my friend Amy (who
was on crutches!), my 8 months preggo friend Melynda, then theres
myself and my handsome groom, my baby sister, and my friend
Ashley. Next picture... our
unofficial "engagement photo", which was actually taken 2 days before
the wedding! Came out kinda blurry because I had to scan it in,
but you get the idea  That's all for now...there are more if you visit my website link.. perhaps I'll actually
"write" something tomorrow!
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| Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"
True Christian
You
are humble, gracious, kind and extremely Christ-like. You believe in
the bible as your law, but read it in its original language. Perhaps
you're not a scholar, but you're not an armature either. You normally
don't feel church is acceptable for your form of worship, and if anyone
believes different from you, you might try to learn something from them.
This was interesting... got it from Dan's site, not sure where it came
from originally though. I scored 4 in the "true Christian"
category, BUT I also scored 3 in the "Holy Roller".. haha..
unfortunately, I couldn't read what that said, but I have an idea...
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| APPARENTLY i don't update enough... or so a few people have mentioned....
interesting thing, is that not many people seem to read this anymore,
and so blogging doesn't quite feel like a good use of my time. or
maybe blogging didn't feel like a good use of my time and i stopped and
nobody read it because there was nothing to read?? vicious cycle,
eh??
so, i'll try to keep it up better, and perhaps some good will come of it.
for starters, i lost my job July 21st. through (mostly) no fault
of my own. i had had issues with the administrator since i
started, but being the professional i am was able to work despite them,
and be successful. however, right around my birthday they told me that
our admin. was beign transferred to another community! my first
thought, "hooray! thank you, Lord, for fixing the problem and making my
job more enjoyable!" THEN they announced that the new admin.
would be our current Nurse. "OH NO!! she hates me!"
so... i leave for a long weekend, and come back on a tuesday.
That day, something felt SO wrong to me there. i'd been unhappy
in the job almost since i started, i didn't think the company was a
very ethical one, and i didn't enjoy the many times they tried to get
me to lie on something, so the results would come out favorably.
so, that day, i called my mom and talked to her about my finding a new
job, and asked her if she would help out some, and she said of
course. then i went inside and while waiting for our new admin.
to do a few things i'd been asking the old one to do for weeks, i
played online and looked at new job ad's. (they made me stay
in-office, and since i travel to work, i had nothing else to do...) and
then a few hours later they come in and tell me that, "it just won't
work out" i replied, "ok. i expected not, and i'm happy with that
idea" and they discussed another property with me, but to their total
shock i said i didn't want to work for them, and then i left! i
think they expected a fuss or something, but i had already known.
i was so blessed that God allowed me to understand beforehand that
things were going down in a bad way, because then i was able to prepare
myself, and be calm and Christian about it. if it had come as a
surprise to me, i'm sure i wouldn't have been very nice about it.
i've been looking for a job, but i'm taking time and beign
cautious. this last job, i took because it was the first one
offered that looked decent, and it paid VERY well. now, im trying
to make sure that i pray about it first, and take a job that i will be
very happy in, and know that i belong there. i know it may take
some time, but God will keep me afloat till then, and it will all work
out for the very best. one of my favorite scriptures, Jeremiah
29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans
to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a
future" runs through my mind about a hundred times a day
lately. and i am comforted.
i spent the day with my best friend and her new son the other
day!! what a miracle new life is!! i am so excited for her, and i
am starting to get anxious to start my own family.. BUT, all in good
time!! i'm nowhere near ready yet, i know that, and so for a long
while i will live vicariously through Melynda and her son, Jordan
 the point of this way, though, not to toot the horn on
babies (well, maybe a little...) but to talk of the amazing way that
our Lord works. she and her husband have known each other since grade
school, and dated for almost 4 years before they got married, both of
them finishing school first, and she started grad-school (majoring in
Psych. and Religion!) then, about 2 months into her marriage, she
calls me and says shes a month pregnant! (they had opted against birth
control, after MUCH research and meeting with like half a dozen Dr.'s
they still couldn't prove that the pills didn't in essence cause
miscarriages but thats another days tale...). anyway, i
digress... my newly married friend had a son, and when he was
born, she heard him cry once before they whisked him away to the
NICU. she will not hear her son cry again, because he has a
condition which causes his lower jaw to be recessed and that combined
with a large cleft palate, makes it VERY difficult for him to
breatheon his own. they had to put in a trach tube a few days
later, as well as a feeding tube. Jordan is 3 months old now, and
we spent the other day in the ER bc his feeding tube had come
out. for the first time since the baby, i spent a whole day with
my best friend, and came out so much wiser. Jordan has to be fed
every 2 hours (4 is normal) through a tube, and it takes 30 minutes a
feeding(10-15 is normal). he has to be suctioned several times an
hour, as often as every 10-15 minutes sometimes, and this requires the
toting around of a machien about the sixe of a diaper bag! as
well as hooking him up to several different monitors when he sleeps,
cleaning the wound areas a few times a day, changin trach's and etc etc
many things i didn't completely understand. shes gotat least triple the
work load of a new baby, he house is overflowing with med. supplies,
she cant leave him with anyone who isn't specially trained, and so she
can't go back to school, work or anything. they're both emotionally and
physically drained. and yet, she is joyful. not once has she or
will she ever say, "why me, Lord?" she is the most patient,
understanding, compassionate and practical women i know. she is happy
with her situation, and wouldn't trade it for anything. she knows that
she was made for this, prepared for this, and that God CHOSE her to
give Jordan the special care and love he needs. and it made me
think, how many people are comfortable with their hardships? am
i? if the Lord gave me something like that to handle, could i do
it? i know that the Lord will never lay on us more than He knows
we can handle, but do i have that same faith in myself? do
you?
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